I find that by noticing what I am doing, I am able to get a better grip on what my life is about. It’s so easy to be swallowed by the daily routine, overlooking the exact little things that make a life ours. Looking back at the year of 2016 through what I've written on the blog compelled me to write here again, at least monthly, to record what we have been doing, what I have been noticing. Hence, here I am again.
January evoked the winters from my childhood, temperatures of -2º degrees well into the morning, cold winds that freeze our thoughts, and no heating at home. The warmth was added by earlier bedtimes, co-sleeping, books and abundant cups of hot tea.
I find it shocking, nonetheless, JP was five this month. He celebrated the birthday with his girlfriend (true! I hope to write bits of their sweet story soon) and I’m getting that bittersweet feeling of watching him growing – moreover away from me.
As I’m trying to adjust, I’m feeling the need of something more. You know, that feeling that something is missing but you can’t yet pinpoint what that is… I’ve been trying to dig inside myself, and that isn’t always easy nor pretty. But it did impel me into two books I had for a long time but hadn’t read yet:
I want to say I should have read them a long time ago but probably they were meant to be read now when I’m actually open to them in my mind and in my heart.
If you’re curious, here are bits of their writing that resonated with me.
And of course, I couldn’t mention Derek Sivers without mentioning the two minutes and a half Ted Talk that introduced me to him “Weird, or just different?”
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It has been lovely to see you back here again recently Cristiana, and I've appreciated your thoughtful comments on my posts too. This blogging thing has a lot going for it! I can relate to the feeling you describe - knowing there's something missing but not sure exactly what. When I've had it it has been about losing connection with myself - the missing thing being me. Like a nudge from your soul prompting you to listen to it and find your next step from within. I always feel whenever life changes in big or small ways, there is a gap left for you to grow into - for more of yourself to shine. And like you say with JP getting a little bit older he is leaving a bit of space for you to fill, to find more of yourself. Exciting! And unsettling too. (That's how I feel anyway - I'm also at a point of change.) The books look interesting and it sounds as though they have been helpful to you. When I read your thoughts about them on the page you linked to I wondered if 'calling' was the word you'd chosen for the year? Please say a belated Happy Birthday to JP from me - I so appreciated his crocodile! And stay warm together - the thought of no heating makes me shiver!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lotta, for everything. If not so daunting (for me), calling would be a beautiful word! I debated for so long with a word (words), even considered not settling with any as a lot seems undefined at the moment. My choice - Play - is both an intention of being more playful on daily bases and an open pass to explore things out of my comfort zone.
DeleteWhat a nice idea of a space to fill, a gap to grow into. Contrasting with the feeling of something missing, it’s a shift that makes such positive difference. Adds so much to my thinking, I feel we could talk for hours on this subject (and others, for that matters).
Our heating is working in intervals and the weather is softer but we’re keeping some of the added cosiness none the less! JP says thank you – he remembers our global celebration tea :)
Antes de mais, parabéns ao JP e aos papás! O tempo voa realmente rápido demais, mas nós podemos sempre fazer algo para o "apanhar" ;) ou pelo menos, assim quero acreditar.
ReplyDeleteQuerida Cristiana,
ainda não respondi ao último email que recebi precisamente por isto que descreves no teu post. As tuas palavras deixaram-me a reflectir (só coisas boas), que espero em breve poder verbalizar, mas por agora preciso de tempo e de calma, de colocar os pés na terra para saber onde colocar o passo seguinte.
Obrigada pela tua partilha, e espero que este teu percurso te permita vislumbrar algo de maravilhoso :)
Obrigada, Inês. Não te preocupes em responder! Fico contente se palavras que eu escreva possam de alguma forma ser útil. Essa troca de ideias, perspectivas e pontos de vista é uma das coisas que mais gosto deste espaço e dos espaços que leio. Mas só nós sabemos quando é altura de partilhar ou de "recolher" e ter o tempo necessário organizar as nossas ideias, e a prova disso é a minha recente pausa...
DeleteTudo de bom!